On a personal note -- sorry, fashionistas, I needed this ...

I've figured out that I need to raise somewhere between $1,500 and $2,000 by December for my friend's wedding, which will be impossible if I don't get a full-time job soon.

Stressed? Yes, although I have to say, that's a pretty ugly word. And it's really over-used these days. Still. I'm not really upset about the situation -- it will be a wonderful time and they have decided on this crazy-luxurious resort in Jamaica -- a seven-room villa with its own personal butler, chef and housekeeper, not to mention a private pool and two golf carts! Like I need a golf cart, but still ... I read somewhere that Queen Elizabeth once stayed in this resort.



My friend is paying for my room, but I still have to pay airfare and for this meal plan that will last for the three days I am there. Oh, did I mention that the resort also has a few miles of private beach?

All that money does not include paying for the bridal shower and bachelorette party, so I figure it will end up around $2,000. But I'm sure I will get that new editor job to replace the old one in no time ... it is strange to have another reason to have to get one, other than my own well-being. I guess I didn't have these kinds of responsibilities before. My boyfriend (who works from home) has been getting rather annoyed with me being around so much lately ... as I mentioned, I was sick for about a month for reasons I won't go into ... and he was great with taking care of me. But not being able to leave the house got kind of old.

And now I have this part-time job for his company that I am learning how to do still. My training is in journalism -- in magazine and newspaper editing. I am a crackerjack copy editor -- my last boss used to tell me that I had very talented eyeballs, which I found ironic because of my Duane's syndrome, but I guess I compensate nicely -- and now I am editing fiction, which is another animal altogether. I did well with the first book and got to meet the author the other night at his reading in New York. He was pleased with my edits and he said "we did a nice job together" which gave me such a nice feeling. But this week, I heard complaints that I had basically corrected too much in the last two books I edited -- that I had added too many commas and appropriate punctuation marks, used AP style to change spelled-out numbers to numerals where needed and to abbreviate dates and state names, etc. One author was particularly angry, and that is something I've never experienced before. In fact, I've gotten used to reporters or higher editors being very happy with my edits and either learning from me or feeling that they could rely on me to get it right.

Thank goodness my boyfriend vouched for my abilities (he is the book designer), but going forward, I am going to have to use a very light touch with these books. Only misspellings from now on, maybe. Or if it is drastically wrong, I will definitely change it.

This has been an odd summer, to say the least. I feel like lots of things are happening in a way that I have no control over ... and it is up to me to react to them appropriately. My step-dad has this favorite saying about how you can tell a person's character from how they act when things are not going well ... but I think you can tell even more from how they react when things are going well one week, not so well the next, well the next week ... and up and down like a roller coaster.

Because that is how things seem lately. That is a much stronger test of faith and I am trying not to be a brat or "stressed" about things ... but it is not easy.